i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
