Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
