i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
