its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
