the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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