We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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