Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
