The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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