Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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