I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
