Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
