On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
