Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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