You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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