it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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