i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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