I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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