I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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