sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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