Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
