I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
