I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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