So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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