I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
