he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
