i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
