Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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