all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
