and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
