I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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