you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
