$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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