I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
