Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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