i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
