That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
