He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
