Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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