I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize