Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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