i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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