the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
