If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
