I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
