so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
