Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
