I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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