what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
