i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
