I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
