This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
