and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize