so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
