i think i have herpe
just one?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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