My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
