How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
