walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
