Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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