Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So vagazzling was a success
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize