dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
