I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We need to rekindle our bromance
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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