Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
