Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
