As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
