Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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