im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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